Where's Home?

I keep calling Ha Noi home. But Rochester is home right?

Lots of stuff has been going on since I've arrived back stateside! One of my best friends from high school got married, I've gotten to see much of my family and friends, and I was able to drive down to Virginia to see JP get ordained!

A lot of things have been put into perspective. God has definitely been preparing my heart and my relationship with Him for all the rough times and the unpredictable future.

Sometimes I just stop and think, "Seriously, what the HECK am I doing with my life?"

But it's the little moments that remind me that I know I'm following God's will. Like a woman from church yesterday crying because she is just so darn proud of me!

I've also given up spending so much of my energy on things that just aren't giving any return. My heart just can't handle so much give and no take. I need to quit putting my focus on so many different things and spreading myself so thin. I know what God wants me to do and I need to keep my eyes on the prize: eternal life in heaven and bringing as many of my friends as possible with me!! Party at God's house and you're invited!

See You Soon!

Wow! I didn't expect to get so emotional (and moody) this last week! There has been a lot of stress to make last minute plans to say goodbye, and official plans to say official goodbyes. I've just felt pulled in so many directions and have found it hard to keep my mind on the task in front of me. For example yesterday while I was supposed to be listening to the speaking final students, I found my mind constantly wandering to what I needed to pack still or plans for when I would return home. Unforunately the students speaking skills weren't that great, making it almost impossible to understand some of them, making it easier for my mind to wander.

I am so thankful that these are not really goodbyes but just "see you later"s. I can't belive I really thought I would be able to come for 5 months and then leave and return to the US forever! It's amazing how much I've fallen in love with the city, traffic and all! 2 1/2 months is a long time though, especially for the few girls that I have become very close to. I actually start tearing up just thinking about it. I'm hoping the summer flies by with all the presentations that I hope to do and family to spend time with :-).

For the next 2 1/2 months I'll have to resort to my many pictures to keep my memories alive and my friends close to my heart :-) And thankfully I'll still be able to see some key players in Team Vietnam: James and JP!

Tears of the Soul

For the longest time I think I was afraid to share with God how much I was really hurting. I thought it was a sin to be so angry with my situations, so sad when in retrospect I am so incredibly blessed in every aspect of my life. Maybe the sterotype of being a goodie-2-shoes Christian really had an impact on me. And I think some of the way I was raised and taught at school and church have something to do with it. I can't pinpoint a particular reason or lesson I was taught, but I can't really imagine where else these ideas would have come from. Anyways, lately there has been a lot of frustration and hurt in my life and it's been difficult finding a good venting mechanism for it.

But lately I've found a good mechanism: prayer. Go figure!! However I've been praying outloud. I find that if I am just praying in my head that it stays in my head and floats around gathers more angry thoughts and just makes things worse. But saying it out loud gets it out of me and I try to imagine literally talking it into God hands. I've realized that it's okay to show all those hurt emotions to God. Because who else can truly take them and heal my heart? Certainly not the sinful human beings here with me on Earth! God wants to know our every hurt and happiness!

I've also realized that crying isn't such a bad thing. I used to hate crying, and I still really dislike anyone seeing me cry. But crying isn't a sign of weakness! Some say eyes are a window into the soul, I say my tears are my window. I cry often these days. I cry at movies, tv shows, emails from family and friends, frustrations with the internet when I can't reach my family, matters of the heart. I think being in Vietnam has opened up my ability to be vulnerable, to let things truly touch my heart instead of just living life on the surface. All this is just more that God is doing in my life by bringing me here. I can only pray that I can have so many influences on the people here!!