So Many Fish in the Sea

Sometimes people at Bible study take the conversation places that either don't interest me or that I have nothing to comment on, so this past week I got bored and wrote in my book:

Bad things happen! The devil will try as hard as possible to get into your head, play on your biggest fears and reveal your deepest, darkest secrets. It's easy to sit back and let self pity, fear, and lonliness grow and take over your life. Sometimes he succeeds in creating such a thick cloud in your life that you believe God is no longer there. It takes a person with strong faith to recognize the devil's schemes and be able to fight him off. This is an opportunity to realize how God is using that experience to strengthen you! Personally, the sheer job of being able to recognize the devil's attack has given me great hope for the plans God has for my life! It's almost a compliment to know that God is working SO hard in my life that devil is trying (yet failing) so hard to fight the Lord's work.

An experience I had in Cancun reflects my reaction to the devil's work. My family and I went snorkeling at an island off the coast of Cancun. All the sudden, hundreds of small, white and yellow fish began to get extremely close to all the snorkelers. I paniced and pulled my head out of the water, repeating, "I don't like it! I don't like it!" My mom heard my cry for help, grabbed my hand, and pulled me away from the area where all the fish were. Apparently the leader had thrown food into the water to attract the fish.

In retrospect, I can see this as an example of the devil's work. He is like the fish, surrounding a person, making them feel trapped and afraid. God is like my mom, knowing my cry for help amongst confusing, taking my hand, and pulling me from any danger. I know it's a bit of a stretch, but a good illustration! It's those moments when I'm pulled to safety by the love of God that I become closer to Him, and stronger for the journey! I am constantly reminded of my Ebenezer (1 Samuel 7:12), my symbol that "Thus far the Lord has helped me". It reminds me that God has gotten me this far, therefore I have no reason to believe that He won't pull me through the trials to come!

Thus Far

I feel like the email that I just wrote to my friend aka supervisor aka boss, JP, pretty much sums up what I have learned and experienced so far in Vietnam.

Honestly, I still haven't been able to fully wrap my head around Vietnam. But just being here and experiencing what I have already experienced fills me with this unexplainable butterfly type feeling in my stomach that I know is the Holy Spirit doing His work. It's actually the same feeling I got when my pastor was praying for me during my last commissioning service. I wanted to burst out laughing but I couldn't up on the altar! But I can here! And I do! In class :-) It was like I was saying last night at Bible study, I just can't imagine not having the people I love be in heaven with me, and everyday I am in Vietnam I find myself loving more and more people and seeing the love that Team Vietnam has for others!

Another Goodbye

On Friday, Carl suddenly had to fly back to the US to get medical help. They weren't able to determine what was wrong with him and thought it could be very serious. So he only got a day to say goodbye. I helped him pack on Thursday and we all had a farewell dinner. Even though we had only spent about a month together, I hadn't realized how attached I had gotten. I guess living with someone will do that to you! It was heartbreaking to see him have to say goodbye to some of the good friends he's made here, and even more sad to say goodbye to him at the airport.

Not only was I losing a friend and teacher, but now I'm all alone in the house with the family. I don't speak enough Vietnamese to really communicate with them, and same with them and English. It's hard to look across the hall and realize that Carl isn't going to be there anymore. It was a whole lot easier to cope with the oddities of the family when I had someone to share my grief, but we'll see what happens now.

I knew I was going to make some lifelong friends here in Hanoi, but I honestly expected them to be members of the team, not just my students and fellow faculty. Granted, my students are absolutely amazing and I would rather be spending time with them than anywhere else.

Speaking of expectations: I've given up on even trying to remember what they were at this point. Of course everyone told me to prepare to be flexible before I came, but I haven't realized what they really meant until just lately. Nothing ever goes the way that I think it will! Not to say that it's always a bad thing. However the devil is trying so damn hard to break me while I'm here! Death and loneliness: two extremely hard things to deal with. Now go across the world and deal with them...it's daunting and exhausting! Through every hardship the Lord has worked even harder than the devil and made it into a learning and growing experience for me, as well as bringing something into my life to help ease the pain and occupy my time.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Happy Times!

About a week after I arrived in Vietnam, a girl who teaches English in Korea arrived to go teach in Phu Tho during her month-long holiday. Long story short, her passport got messed up and she ended up staying in Hanoi to teach at the National Institiute of Nutrition. She also ended up becoming a very close friend of mine. God caused our paths to cross at just the right time! It felt good to finally have some "girl talk" after being deprived for so long post-Concordia dorm life. Cana and I were able to have 3 wonderful trips together: Phu Tho, Sa Pa, and Ha Long Bay. Saying goodbye to her last night was hard! I haven't really been able to "click" with anyone else here except a little with another volunteer, but who works 3 hours away from here :-/



Thankfully my schedule is starting to fill up finally! I am going to be tutoring the 9 year old nephew of one of the ladies from the NIN on Monday and Thursday nights. I am also going to be teaching classes at the NIN all day on Fridays. These new additions, plus my teaching and office hours equals about 38 hours of volunteering a week! Add in church on Sundays, team dinners and Bible study and my life is pretty packed these days! But that's how I stay out of trouble...and I thrive on the pressure. Now I just need to start going to bed before 12:30am!