When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say ..."I am a Christian,"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble,
And need CHRIST to be my guide.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak,
And need HIS strength to carry on.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed,
And need God to clean my mess.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are far too visible,
But God believes I am worth it.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches,
So I call upon His name.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not holier than thou.
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace somehow
~Maya Angelou
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Money? What?
Sooo just a little update about fundraising. St. Louis currently has me clocked in at 25%. That is initially devestatingly TOO LOW!
HOWEVER: based on promises made and previous committments that have said they will make another donation, if they all turn in their money it will put me at a whopping 80%!!! Plus I have a fundraiser coming up on September 1st at Shield's Pizza in Rochester, leading Bible study at St. Peter Macomb, a free will offering at Trinity Utica at a service at which a couple thousand are expected plus the congregation is sending a team to Vietnam next year, speaking at Concordia University in Ann Arbor, speaking at St. Matthew's in Wixom and Walled Lake including a door offering, and finally speaking at chapel at St. John Rochester.
WHEW! It's been a rough summer, but in very Lutheran/Asian style everything is coming together at the last minute.
Can I get an AMEN?? God is good!
HOWEVER: based on promises made and previous committments that have said they will make another donation, if they all turn in their money it will put me at a whopping 80%!!! Plus I have a fundraiser coming up on September 1st at Shield's Pizza in Rochester, leading Bible study at St. Peter Macomb, a free will offering at Trinity Utica at a service at which a couple thousand are expected plus the congregation is sending a team to Vietnam next year, speaking at Concordia University in Ann Arbor, speaking at St. Matthew's in Wixom and Walled Lake including a door offering, and finally speaking at chapel at St. John Rochester.
WHEW! It's been a rough summer, but in very Lutheran/Asian style everything is coming together at the last minute.
Can I get an AMEN?? God is good!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
A Confidence Boost
Living at home has made me feel like I've gone back a few years. I had begun to forget the independent and successful young woman I had become in Hanoi. Tonight at dinner with JP it was great to be reminded of the GOOD work I do in Vietnam and how much I am needed and how God has blessed people through me. It's tough not to hear any encouragement for so long, especially when this fundraising situation makes it seem like a roadblock to going back at every turn. Thankfully dinner tonight, a Christian concert earlier this week (by a great band, Bluetree, check them out!), and a couple talks with some close friends have really reminded me of how God is in control of this situation and that although it is really hard, blessings are coming out of it left and right!
So here's to the blessing of being able to ask, "Will you give me money?"
So here's to the blessing of being able to ask, "Will you give me money?"
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Home is Weird
I wear a hoodie and jeans on days that its 80 degrees.
I take naps in the middle of the afternoon almost every day.
I'm killer patient in traffic, because there are literally hundreds LESS people on the road.
I get full after about 1/3 of a normal meal.
I can drive more than 5 miles in less than 45 minutes.
Most menus are only in one language.
No one stares at me.
I'm not the fattest person around.
I can talk quickly and use all the slang I want.
I can tell the difference between what part of Asia all the Asians are from.
I keep trying to link my arms with girlfriends.
People call instead of checking their email all day.
My hair is down. And straight. And stays that way.
I don't have to turn the water heater on.
My shower is enclosed.
My internet doesn't go out often.
I turn the fan on at night not because I'm hot, but because I need the noise.
I have more than 5 channels to watch on TV.
I take naps in the middle of the afternoon almost every day.
I'm killer patient in traffic, because there are literally hundreds LESS people on the road.
I get full after about 1/3 of a normal meal.
I can drive more than 5 miles in less than 45 minutes.
Most menus are only in one language.
No one stares at me.
I'm not the fattest person around.
I can talk quickly and use all the slang I want.
I can tell the difference between what part of Asia all the Asians are from.
I keep trying to link my arms with girlfriends.
People call instead of checking their email all day.
My hair is down. And straight. And stays that way.
I don't have to turn the water heater on.
My shower is enclosed.
My internet doesn't go out often.
I turn the fan on at night not because I'm hot, but because I need the noise.
I have more than 5 channels to watch on TV.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Fundraising
Fundraising is miserable. It literally brings me to tears. Why can't $15,000 just fall into my lap?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Where's Home?
I keep calling Ha Noi home. But Rochester is home right?
Lots of stuff has been going on since I've arrived back stateside! One of my best friends from high school got married, I've gotten to see much of my family and friends, and I was able to drive down to Virginia to see JP get ordained!
A lot of things have been put into perspective. God has definitely been preparing my heart and my relationship with Him for all the rough times and the unpredictable future.
Sometimes I just stop and think, "Seriously, what the HECK am I doing with my life?"
But it's the little moments that remind me that I know I'm following God's will. Like a woman from church yesterday crying because she is just so darn proud of me!
I've also given up spending so much of my energy on things that just aren't giving any return. My heart just can't handle so much give and no take. I need to quit putting my focus on so many different things and spreading myself so thin. I know what God wants me to do and I need to keep my eyes on the prize: eternal life in heaven and bringing as many of my friends as possible with me!! Party at God's house and you're invited!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
See You Soon!
Wow! I didn't expect to get so emotional (and moody) this last week! There has been a lot of stress to make last minute plans to say goodbye, and official plans to say official goodbyes. I've just felt pulled in so many directions and have found it hard to keep my mind on the task in front of me. For example yesterday while I was supposed to be listening to the speaking final students, I found my mind constantly wandering to what I needed to pack still or plans for when I would return home. Unforunately the students speaking skills weren't that great, making it almost impossible to understand some of them, making it easier for my mind to wander.
I am so thankful that these are not really goodbyes but just "see you later"s. I can't belive I really thought I would be able to come for 5 months and then leave and return to the US forever! It's amazing how much I've fallen in love with the city, traffic and all! 2 1/2 months is a long time though, especially for the few girls that I have become very close to. I actually start tearing up just thinking about it. I'm hoping the summer flies by with all the presentations that I hope to do and family to spend time with :-).
For the next 2 1/2 months I'll have to resort to my many pictures to keep my memories alive and my friends close to my heart :-) And thankfully I'll still be able to see some key players in Team Vietnam: James and JP!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Tears of the Soul
For the longest time I think I was afraid to share with God how much I was really hurting. I thought it was a sin to be so angry with my situations, so sad when in retrospect I am so incredibly blessed in every aspect of my life. Maybe the sterotype of being a goodie-2-shoes Christian really had an impact on me. And I think some of the way I was raised and taught at school and church have something to do with it. I can't pinpoint a particular reason or lesson I was taught, but I can't really imagine where else these ideas would have come from. Anyways, lately there has been a lot of frustration and hurt in my life and it's been difficult finding a good venting mechanism for it.
But lately I've found a good mechanism: prayer. Go figure!! However I've been praying outloud. I find that if I am just praying in my head that it stays in my head and floats around gathers more angry thoughts and just makes things worse. But saying it out loud gets it out of me and I try to imagine literally talking it into God hands. I've realized that it's okay to show all those hurt emotions to God. Because who else can truly take them and heal my heart? Certainly not the sinful human beings here with me on Earth! God wants to know our every hurt and happiness!
I've also realized that crying isn't such a bad thing. I used to hate crying, and I still really dislike anyone seeing me cry. But crying isn't a sign of weakness! Some say eyes are a window into the soul, I say my tears are my window. I cry often these days. I cry at movies, tv shows, emails from family and friends, frustrations with the internet when I can't reach my family, matters of the heart. I think being in Vietnam has opened up my ability to be vulnerable, to let things truly touch my heart instead of just living life on the surface. All this is just more that God is doing in my life by bringing me here. I can only pray that I can have so many influences on the people here!!
But lately I've found a good mechanism: prayer. Go figure!! However I've been praying outloud. I find that if I am just praying in my head that it stays in my head and floats around gathers more angry thoughts and just makes things worse. But saying it out loud gets it out of me and I try to imagine literally talking it into God hands. I've realized that it's okay to show all those hurt emotions to God. Because who else can truly take them and heal my heart? Certainly not the sinful human beings here with me on Earth! God wants to know our every hurt and happiness!
I've also realized that crying isn't such a bad thing. I used to hate crying, and I still really dislike anyone seeing me cry. But crying isn't a sign of weakness! Some say eyes are a window into the soul, I say my tears are my window. I cry often these days. I cry at movies, tv shows, emails from family and friends, frustrations with the internet when I can't reach my family, matters of the heart. I think being in Vietnam has opened up my ability to be vulnerable, to let things truly touch my heart instead of just living life on the surface. All this is just more that God is doing in my life by bringing me here. I can only pray that I can have so many influences on the people here!!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Strike a Chord
"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up." - James Baldwin
"The more familiar two people become, the more the language they speak together departs from that of the ordinary, dictionary-defined discourse. Familiarity creates a new language, an in-house language of intimacy that carries reference to the story the two lovers are weaving together and that cannot be readily understood by others." -Alain de Botton
"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great." -Comte DeBussy-Rabutin
"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." -Henry Drummond
"The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence." -Albert Ellis
"Love is staying up all night with a sick child -- or a healthy adult." -Sir David Paradine Frost
"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead." -Bertrand Russel
"Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are." -Charles Augustin Sainte-Beuve
"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be." -Anna Louise Strong
"The more familiar two people become, the more the language they speak together departs from that of the ordinary, dictionary-defined discourse. Familiarity creates a new language, an in-house language of intimacy that carries reference to the story the two lovers are weaving together and that cannot be readily understood by others." -Alain de Botton
"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great." -Comte DeBussy-Rabutin
"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." -Henry Drummond
"The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence." -Albert Ellis
"Love is staying up all night with a sick child -- or a healthy adult." -Sir David Paradine Frost
"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead." -Bertrand Russel
"Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are." -Charles Augustin Sainte-Beuve
"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be." -Anna Louise Strong
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
(It Always Comes) Back to the Future
Past events, recent events, and recent events that have reminded me of past events have all led me to do a lot of thinking about the future. Yeah it's scary. In an ever changing world, I feel like it's almost a waste of time to try to plan for more than a year ahead of time. Then again, when's the last time someone I knew became homeless? Penniless and out on the street with no family and no friends? I've never known someone like that and I know that my family would never turn on me if that even started to happen. So what's so bad about taking a risk? My parents encouraged me my whole life to do what I love and be what I want to be, so why should I let an uncertain future deter me from that? So what if I fall on my face?? At least I took the leap! At least I tried! Nothing worth having ever comes easy! If no one ever took a leap of faith about their future, imagine all the things we wouldn't have in the world. Galileo died defending his leap of faith, and he ended up being right! One of my absolute favorite songs is "When The Sand Runs Out" by Rascal Flatts. I want to make that my goal: taking leaps and hoping I land on my feet...and if not...try, try again :-)
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