Home is Weird

I wear a hoodie and jeans on days that its 80 degrees.
I take naps in the middle of the afternoon almost every day.
I'm killer patient in traffic, because there are literally hundreds LESS people on the road.
I get full after about 1/3 of a normal meal.
I can drive more than 5 miles in less than 45 minutes.
Most menus are only in one language.
No one stares at me.
I'm not the fattest person around.
I can talk quickly and use all the slang I want.
I can tell the difference between what part of Asia all the Asians are from.
I keep trying to link my arms with girlfriends.
People call instead of checking their email all day.
My hair is down. And straight. And stays that way.
I don't have to turn the water heater on.
My shower is enclosed.
My internet doesn't go out often.
I turn the fan on at night not because I'm hot, but because I need the noise.
I have more than 5 channels to watch on TV.