Sweet Somethings

For some reason I really expected the transition back to Vietnam was going to be a lot harder, especially since JP and Aimee aren't here yet. But it's been awesome! Of course it's only been a couple days, but I am feeling so incredibly blessed! I have only cried once which is a huge change for me lol. I didn't even cry at the airport!

Blessings:
1. I slept a decent amount on the airplane with the aide of some wine and sleeping pills
2. All my luggage made it from Detroit to Hanoi
3. I had 2 people to pick me up at the airport
4. My new house is AWESOME! Four stories all to myself for now! My own room and bathroom and most importantly: air conditioning!!!!
5. There is a bun cha place around the corner!! It's my favorite Vietnamese food of all time!
6. My internet is extremely reliable so far and I have even been able to use video chat on Skype :)
7. Ted's niece, Julie, is in town for a few months and we get along pretty well!
8. I got to meet the Winkelman's which is super awesome to add another family to that family atmosphere that is so important to have here
9. Church!! I missed it so much! What joy to get back to the raw worship that St. John has been missing for a while! Plus there are so many familiar faces that I missed seeing regularly, especially Rachel!
10. I met 3 cool new friends at church and we went out to lunch with the Englebrecht's for yummy Indian food :)
11. Yung Ting personally asked me if I wanted to go see the water puppet show...so cute!
12. Had coffee with 2 of the 3 new friends...it'll be nice to have some close ex-pat friends this time around :)
13. Spent $50 or so on groceries...I finally have some food and water!
14. I unpacked and realized I have a lot more space than I thought! It makes me that much more excited to have a place of my own someday
15. I only have one 6:45am class and it's on Wednesday instead of Monday like I thought

Everyday I am reminded to remain in awe of how God has a hand in everything in my life. I am glad I can blog and journal about good times like this so that next time there is a down time I can look back and be filled with hope that the future is in God's hands! The screen saver on my phone is "Ebenezer" which means "Thus far the Lord has been with me". What a great reminder!

Travels

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” - St. Augustine

“No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.” - Lin Yutang

“Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things - air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky - all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it.” - Cesare Pavese

“One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things.” - Henry Miller

“To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.” - Freya Stark

“Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.” - Miriam Beard

“All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.” - Martin Buber

“To my mind, the greatest reward and luxury of travel is to be able to experience everyday things as if for the first time, to be in a position in which almost nothing is so familiar it is taken for granted.” - Bill Bryson

“If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion and avoid the people, you might better stay at home.” - James Michener

“A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles.” - Tim Cahill

“Not all those who wander are lost.” - J. R. R. Tolkien

“Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends.” - Maya Angelou

“What you’ve done becomes the judge of what you’re going to do - especially in other people’s minds. When you’re traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don’t have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.” - William Least Heat Moon

“The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.” - Rudyard Kipling

“Adventure is a path. Real adventure - self-determined, self-motivated, often risky - forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind - and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.” - Mark Jenkins

I Am A Christian

When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say ..."I am a Christian,"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble,
And need CHRIST to be my guide.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak,
And need HIS strength to carry on.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed,
And need God to clean my mess.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are far too visible,
But God believes I am worth it.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches,
So I call upon His name.
When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not holier than thou.
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace somehow
~Maya Angelou

Money? What?

Sooo just a little update about fundraising. St. Louis currently has me clocked in at 25%. That is initially devestatingly TOO LOW!

HOWEVER: based on promises made and previous committments that have said they will make another donation, if they all turn in their money it will put me at a whopping 80%!!! Plus I have a fundraiser coming up on September 1st at Shield's Pizza in Rochester, leading Bible study at St. Peter Macomb, a free will offering at Trinity Utica at a service at which a couple thousand are expected plus the congregation is sending a team to Vietnam next year, speaking at Concordia University in Ann Arbor, speaking at St. Matthew's in Wixom and Walled Lake including a door offering, and finally speaking at chapel at St. John Rochester.

WHEW! It's been a rough summer, but in very Lutheran/Asian style everything is coming together at the last minute.

Can I get an AMEN?? God is good!

A Confidence Boost

Living at home has made me feel like I've gone back a few years. I had begun to forget the independent and successful young woman I had become in Hanoi. Tonight at dinner with JP it was great to be reminded of the GOOD work I do in Vietnam and how much I am needed and how God has blessed people through me. It's tough not to hear any encouragement for so long, especially when this fundraising situation makes it seem like a roadblock to going back at every turn. Thankfully dinner tonight, a Christian concert earlier this week (by a great band, Bluetree, check them out!), and a couple talks with some close friends have really reminded me of how God is in control of this situation and that although it is really hard, blessings are coming out of it left and right!

So here's to the blessing of being able to ask, "Will you give me money?"

Home is Weird

I wear a hoodie and jeans on days that its 80 degrees.
I take naps in the middle of the afternoon almost every day.
I'm killer patient in traffic, because there are literally hundreds LESS people on the road.
I get full after about 1/3 of a normal meal.
I can drive more than 5 miles in less than 45 minutes.
Most menus are only in one language.
No one stares at me.
I'm not the fattest person around.
I can talk quickly and use all the slang I want.
I can tell the difference between what part of Asia all the Asians are from.
I keep trying to link my arms with girlfriends.
People call instead of checking their email all day.
My hair is down. And straight. And stays that way.
I don't have to turn the water heater on.
My shower is enclosed.
My internet doesn't go out often.
I turn the fan on at night not because I'm hot, but because I need the noise.
I have more than 5 channels to watch on TV.

Fundraising

Fundraising is miserable. It literally brings me to tears. Why can't $15,000 just fall into my lap?

Where's Home?

I keep calling Ha Noi home. But Rochester is home right?

Lots of stuff has been going on since I've arrived back stateside! One of my best friends from high school got married, I've gotten to see much of my family and friends, and I was able to drive down to Virginia to see JP get ordained!

A lot of things have been put into perspective. God has definitely been preparing my heart and my relationship with Him for all the rough times and the unpredictable future.

Sometimes I just stop and think, "Seriously, what the HECK am I doing with my life?"

But it's the little moments that remind me that I know I'm following God's will. Like a woman from church yesterday crying because she is just so darn proud of me!

I've also given up spending so much of my energy on things that just aren't giving any return. My heart just can't handle so much give and no take. I need to quit putting my focus on so many different things and spreading myself so thin. I know what God wants me to do and I need to keep my eyes on the prize: eternal life in heaven and bringing as many of my friends as possible with me!! Party at God's house and you're invited!

See You Soon!

Wow! I didn't expect to get so emotional (and moody) this last week! There has been a lot of stress to make last minute plans to say goodbye, and official plans to say official goodbyes. I've just felt pulled in so many directions and have found it hard to keep my mind on the task in front of me. For example yesterday while I was supposed to be listening to the speaking final students, I found my mind constantly wandering to what I needed to pack still or plans for when I would return home. Unforunately the students speaking skills weren't that great, making it almost impossible to understand some of them, making it easier for my mind to wander.

I am so thankful that these are not really goodbyes but just "see you later"s. I can't belive I really thought I would be able to come for 5 months and then leave and return to the US forever! It's amazing how much I've fallen in love with the city, traffic and all! 2 1/2 months is a long time though, especially for the few girls that I have become very close to. I actually start tearing up just thinking about it. I'm hoping the summer flies by with all the presentations that I hope to do and family to spend time with :-).

For the next 2 1/2 months I'll have to resort to my many pictures to keep my memories alive and my friends close to my heart :-) And thankfully I'll still be able to see some key players in Team Vietnam: James and JP!

Tears of the Soul

For the longest time I think I was afraid to share with God how much I was really hurting. I thought it was a sin to be so angry with my situations, so sad when in retrospect I am so incredibly blessed in every aspect of my life. Maybe the sterotype of being a goodie-2-shoes Christian really had an impact on me. And I think some of the way I was raised and taught at school and church have something to do with it. I can't pinpoint a particular reason or lesson I was taught, but I can't really imagine where else these ideas would have come from. Anyways, lately there has been a lot of frustration and hurt in my life and it's been difficult finding a good venting mechanism for it.

But lately I've found a good mechanism: prayer. Go figure!! However I've been praying outloud. I find that if I am just praying in my head that it stays in my head and floats around gathers more angry thoughts and just makes things worse. But saying it out loud gets it out of me and I try to imagine literally talking it into God hands. I've realized that it's okay to show all those hurt emotions to God. Because who else can truly take them and heal my heart? Certainly not the sinful human beings here with me on Earth! God wants to know our every hurt and happiness!

I've also realized that crying isn't such a bad thing. I used to hate crying, and I still really dislike anyone seeing me cry. But crying isn't a sign of weakness! Some say eyes are a window into the soul, I say my tears are my window. I cry often these days. I cry at movies, tv shows, emails from family and friends, frustrations with the internet when I can't reach my family, matters of the heart. I think being in Vietnam has opened up my ability to be vulnerable, to let things truly touch my heart instead of just living life on the surface. All this is just more that God is doing in my life by bringing me here. I can only pray that I can have so many influences on the people here!!