Strike a Chord

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up." - James Baldwin

"The more familiar two people become, the more the language they speak together departs from that of the ordinary, dictionary-defined discourse. Familiarity creates a new language, an in-house language of intimacy that carries reference to the story the two lovers are weaving together and that cannot be readily understood by others." -Alain de Botton

"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great." -Comte DeBussy-Rabutin

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." -Henry Drummond

"The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence." -Albert Ellis

"Love is staying up all night with a sick child -- or a healthy adult." -Sir David Paradine Frost

"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead." -Bertrand Russel

"Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are." -Charles Augustin Sainte-Beuve

"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be." -Anna Louise Strong

(It Always Comes) Back to the Future

Past events, recent events, and recent events that have reminded me of past events have all led me to do a lot of thinking about the future. Yeah it's scary. In an ever changing world, I feel like it's almost a waste of time to try to plan for more than a year ahead of time. Then again, when's the last time someone I knew became homeless? Penniless and out on the street with no family and no friends? I've never known someone like that and I know that my family would never turn on me if that even started to happen. So what's so bad about taking a risk? My parents encouraged me my whole life to do what I love and be what I want to be, so why should I let an uncertain future deter me from that? So what if I fall on my face?? At least I took the leap! At least I tried! Nothing worth having ever comes easy! If no one ever took a leap of faith about their future, imagine all the things we wouldn't have in the world. Galileo died defending his leap of faith, and he ended up being right! One of my absolute favorite songs is "When The Sand Runs Out" by Rascal Flatts. I want to make that my goal: taking leaps and hoping I land on my feet...and if not...try, try again :-)

Random Recent Funny Moments (to me at least)

1. The child in my house running at me with scissors trying to stab me.
2. All the men's worried reactions to me learning to drive a motorbike.
3. Learning that Peter Pan is a Christmas movie in Sweden.
4. Getting yelled at by a woman on a bicycle for walking in the street...when she was the one driving the wrong direction.
5. JP still trying to convince himself that the fan he bought me will be an air conditioner.
6. Being dubbed "Miss Totally Awesome" by some students.
7. Almost getting run over by a bus.
8. JP's super involved and serious lie about Vietnamese jumping spiders that can jump 10 feet and are deadly poisonous.

I love Vietnam.

Free At Last!

Last week I caught a bad virus going around Ha Noi that involved a very high fever. I was out of commission for about a week. Every few hours I was getting text messages from students asking how I was doing and when I would return to school. I missed them very much as well! I had a lot of time to reflect and pray while I was off of work, and I realized that if I missed my students and friends this much after only a week, how could I stay 8,000+ miles away from them?? I called St. Louis and told them I wanted to return for another school year of volunteer teaching :-) What a weight lifted off my shoulders!! Wow, at the exact time I really started praying for guidance, God gifted me with a virus for clarity :-) He works in mysterious ways!

This weekend was an incredible assurance that I have made the best decision. Myself and five second year students, the winners of an English contest in Ha Noi, travelled to Hung Vuong University in Phu Tho to help James and his students learn how to run the competition for themselves. We had SO much fun! The students all got along really well and made some good friendships. The joy and laughter of the weekend enforced my decision to want to be back here next year! Other perks of the weekend included my first home made meal by students, quality time with James and Michael, and finally some peace and quiet away from the city!

Nghia explaining the rules of the contest to the HVU students.

Bach Khoa and Hung Vuong connection :-)

Michael, myself, and James :-) I was so blessed to be able to spend time with them this weekend!

Stuck in Limbo

The hardest part about a decision like the one I have before me is that God has made it abundantly clear that no matter which path I choose, He will bless me and the people around me richly. So now it really IS just up to me! Almost every day I experience a moment where I realize that Vietnam is a place I am supposed to be, that I love, that I am needed. However at the same time my heart is longing to be back home with my family. I still have the fact that I have not quite finished my degree hanging over my head. Just 2 more Chemistry classes and a senior project and I'm done!! I am currently researching the possibility of taking Chemistry here in Vietnam...hopefully in English! I just really feel pulled to this field and all my relationships are just starting...I can't leave them now!

I had this awesome moment with one of my student's this weekend. We were waiting outside a pottery factory in Bat Trang for the rest of our group to finish. I grabbed her hand (hand holding of the same sex is a sign of closeness in Vietnam) and we walked down the street talking and giggling, about boys of course! I realized two things. 1. that I am perfectly comfortable being here and doing this sort of work...love it even! 2. that I am comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. I'm surprised at the second one. Being in a country where everyone is stick thin I figured my self esteem would plummet, but I've learned to hold my head high!

That's another huge lesson I've had to learn here: how to make my faith my own. In the US during Easter there are people around to wish you a Happy Easter. Here there isn't anyone to remind me about it! There are no devos, no chapel, barely any other Christians! There are sometimes days that seem like one big prayer that God would give me the right words to say, put me in the right place, grant me peace and clarity, keep me safe, even just to make the heat go away! I really like who I've grown to be in just these short 3 months and I literally cannot sit still when I think of the endless opportunities that God has laid out for me in the future :-)

It's been quite a while since I've updated so I won't go into too much detail about what's been going on lately!

Since Carl left, I've had to switch from teaching 4 of my classes to teaching 4 of his. After a little while though I will be switching back to teaching my classes that I started with. It's made making relationships a little harder, but now that I've taught all of K52 (8 sections) I am hoping to plan some group events for all of us, including a line-dancing class!

Aimee, my supervisor's wife, and I took a trip to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, for a shopping/girls weekend. It was so great! Just like being back in the US with 7-11's and Starbucks everywhere! It was nice to spend some time away from Vietnam to make me realize how much I miss it and love it here!

The view from Merdeka Square.

A week after getting back from KL, James and I flew off to Taiwan for an 8 day retreat with other SE Asia volunteers. It was such a blessing to be able to spend time with other volunteers! We were able to share our stories and what we do in our specific countries (Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam, Taiwan) in our ministry. I am simply amazed at the work that the Lord does to ensure we are all where we are supposed to be, serving and loving Him and the people He has placed around us.

Me, standing on the Tropic of Cancer!

Coming back to Vietnam made me appreciate so much more the support system that I do have here. However it has made me very aware that perhaps I cannot work to the best of my ability because I don't have a "team" in the sense of what I was used to at CUAA or what they have in Taiwan. These next few weeks/months are going to be filled with prayer and waiting to see what God has in store for myself and for Team Vietnam.

If you know anyone who could possibly be interested in spending a year, or even just a semester in Vietnam teaching English, PLEASE give them my contact information: amanda.runey@keptprivate.com

So Many Fish in the Sea

Sometimes people at Bible study take the conversation places that either don't interest me or that I have nothing to comment on, so this past week I got bored and wrote in my book:

Bad things happen! The devil will try as hard as possible to get into your head, play on your biggest fears and reveal your deepest, darkest secrets. It's easy to sit back and let self pity, fear, and lonliness grow and take over your life. Sometimes he succeeds in creating such a thick cloud in your life that you believe God is no longer there. It takes a person with strong faith to recognize the devil's schemes and be able to fight him off. This is an opportunity to realize how God is using that experience to strengthen you! Personally, the sheer job of being able to recognize the devil's attack has given me great hope for the plans God has for my life! It's almost a compliment to know that God is working SO hard in my life that devil is trying (yet failing) so hard to fight the Lord's work.

An experience I had in Cancun reflects my reaction to the devil's work. My family and I went snorkeling at an island off the coast of Cancun. All the sudden, hundreds of small, white and yellow fish began to get extremely close to all the snorkelers. I paniced and pulled my head out of the water, repeating, "I don't like it! I don't like it!" My mom heard my cry for help, grabbed my hand, and pulled me away from the area where all the fish were. Apparently the leader had thrown food into the water to attract the fish.

In retrospect, I can see this as an example of the devil's work. He is like the fish, surrounding a person, making them feel trapped and afraid. God is like my mom, knowing my cry for help amongst confusing, taking my hand, and pulling me from any danger. I know it's a bit of a stretch, but a good illustration! It's those moments when I'm pulled to safety by the love of God that I become closer to Him, and stronger for the journey! I am constantly reminded of my Ebenezer (1 Samuel 7:12), my symbol that "Thus far the Lord has helped me". It reminds me that God has gotten me this far, therefore I have no reason to believe that He won't pull me through the trials to come!

Thus Far

I feel like the email that I just wrote to my friend aka supervisor aka boss, JP, pretty much sums up what I have learned and experienced so far in Vietnam.

Honestly, I still haven't been able to fully wrap my head around Vietnam. But just being here and experiencing what I have already experienced fills me with this unexplainable butterfly type feeling in my stomach that I know is the Holy Spirit doing His work. It's actually the same feeling I got when my pastor was praying for me during my last commissioning service. I wanted to burst out laughing but I couldn't up on the altar! But I can here! And I do! In class :-) It was like I was saying last night at Bible study, I just can't imagine not having the people I love be in heaven with me, and everyday I am in Vietnam I find myself loving more and more people and seeing the love that Team Vietnam has for others!

Another Goodbye

On Friday, Carl suddenly had to fly back to the US to get medical help. They weren't able to determine what was wrong with him and thought it could be very serious. So he only got a day to say goodbye. I helped him pack on Thursday and we all had a farewell dinner. Even though we had only spent about a month together, I hadn't realized how attached I had gotten. I guess living with someone will do that to you! It was heartbreaking to see him have to say goodbye to some of the good friends he's made here, and even more sad to say goodbye to him at the airport.

Not only was I losing a friend and teacher, but now I'm all alone in the house with the family. I don't speak enough Vietnamese to really communicate with them, and same with them and English. It's hard to look across the hall and realize that Carl isn't going to be there anymore. It was a whole lot easier to cope with the oddities of the family when I had someone to share my grief, but we'll see what happens now.

I knew I was going to make some lifelong friends here in Hanoi, but I honestly expected them to be members of the team, not just my students and fellow faculty. Granted, my students are absolutely amazing and I would rather be spending time with them than anywhere else.

Speaking of expectations: I've given up on even trying to remember what they were at this point. Of course everyone told me to prepare to be flexible before I came, but I haven't realized what they really meant until just lately. Nothing ever goes the way that I think it will! Not to say that it's always a bad thing. However the devil is trying so damn hard to break me while I'm here! Death and loneliness: two extremely hard things to deal with. Now go across the world and deal with them...it's daunting and exhausting! Through every hardship the Lord has worked even harder than the devil and made it into a learning and growing experience for me, as well as bringing something into my life to help ease the pain and occupy my time.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Happy Times!

About a week after I arrived in Vietnam, a girl who teaches English in Korea arrived to go teach in Phu Tho during her month-long holiday. Long story short, her passport got messed up and she ended up staying in Hanoi to teach at the National Institiute of Nutrition. She also ended up becoming a very close friend of mine. God caused our paths to cross at just the right time! It felt good to finally have some "girl talk" after being deprived for so long post-Concordia dorm life. Cana and I were able to have 3 wonderful trips together: Phu Tho, Sa Pa, and Ha Long Bay. Saying goodbye to her last night was hard! I haven't really been able to "click" with anyone else here except a little with another volunteer, but who works 3 hours away from here :-/



Thankfully my schedule is starting to fill up finally! I am going to be tutoring the 9 year old nephew of one of the ladies from the NIN on Monday and Thursday nights. I am also going to be teaching classes at the NIN all day on Fridays. These new additions, plus my teaching and office hours equals about 38 hours of volunteering a week! Add in church on Sundays, team dinners and Bible study and my life is pretty packed these days! But that's how I stay out of trouble...and I thrive on the pressure. Now I just need to start going to bed before 12:30am!