Monday, May 4, 2009

Stuck in Limbo

The hardest part about a decision like the one I have before me is that God has made it abundantly clear that no matter which path I choose, He will bless me and the people around me richly. So now it really IS just up to me! Almost every day I experience a moment where I realize that Vietnam is a place I am supposed to be, that I love, that I am needed. However at the same time my heart is longing to be back home with my family. I still have the fact that I have not quite finished my degree hanging over my head. Just 2 more Chemistry classes and a senior project and I'm done!! I am currently researching the possibility of taking Chemistry here in Vietnam...hopefully in English! I just really feel pulled to this field and all my relationships are just starting...I can't leave them now!

I had this awesome moment with one of my student's this weekend. We were waiting outside a pottery factory in Bat Trang for the rest of our group to finish. I grabbed her hand (hand holding of the same sex is a sign of closeness in Vietnam) and we walked down the street talking and giggling, about boys of course! I realized two things. 1. that I am perfectly comfortable being here and doing this sort of work...love it even! 2. that I am comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. I'm surprised at the second one. Being in a country where everyone is stick thin I figured my self esteem would plummet, but I've learned to hold my head high!

That's another huge lesson I've had to learn here: how to make my faith my own. In the US during Easter there are people around to wish you a Happy Easter. Here there isn't anyone to remind me about it! There are no devos, no chapel, barely any other Christians! There are sometimes days that seem like one big prayer that God would give me the right words to say, put me in the right place, grant me peace and clarity, keep me safe, even just to make the heat go away! I really like who I've grown to be in just these short 3 months and I literally cannot sit still when I think of the endless opportunities that God has laid out for me in the future :-)

2 comments:

James said...

Where's this Limbo place...I think I have been there before, but can never figure out how I got there or how to leave the place. So, it's like I'm still there: maybe we've met...

Elizabeth N said...

I'm excited for your possiblities! God will give you a peace & I always say when you know...you know:) Blessings sister!