Free At Last!

Last week I caught a bad virus going around Ha Noi that involved a very high fever. I was out of commission for about a week. Every few hours I was getting text messages from students asking how I was doing and when I would return to school. I missed them very much as well! I had a lot of time to reflect and pray while I was off of work, and I realized that if I missed my students and friends this much after only a week, how could I stay 8,000+ miles away from them?? I called St. Louis and told them I wanted to return for another school year of volunteer teaching :-) What a weight lifted off my shoulders!! Wow, at the exact time I really started praying for guidance, God gifted me with a virus for clarity :-) He works in mysterious ways!

This weekend was an incredible assurance that I have made the best decision. Myself and five second year students, the winners of an English contest in Ha Noi, travelled to Hung Vuong University in Phu Tho to help James and his students learn how to run the competition for themselves. We had SO much fun! The students all got along really well and made some good friendships. The joy and laughter of the weekend enforced my decision to want to be back here next year! Other perks of the weekend included my first home made meal by students, quality time with James and Michael, and finally some peace and quiet away from the city!

Nghia explaining the rules of the contest to the HVU students.

Bach Khoa and Hung Vuong connection :-)

Michael, myself, and James :-) I was so blessed to be able to spend time with them this weekend!

Stuck in Limbo

The hardest part about a decision like the one I have before me is that God has made it abundantly clear that no matter which path I choose, He will bless me and the people around me richly. So now it really IS just up to me! Almost every day I experience a moment where I realize that Vietnam is a place I am supposed to be, that I love, that I am needed. However at the same time my heart is longing to be back home with my family. I still have the fact that I have not quite finished my degree hanging over my head. Just 2 more Chemistry classes and a senior project and I'm done!! I am currently researching the possibility of taking Chemistry here in Vietnam...hopefully in English! I just really feel pulled to this field and all my relationships are just starting...I can't leave them now!

I had this awesome moment with one of my student's this weekend. We were waiting outside a pottery factory in Bat Trang for the rest of our group to finish. I grabbed her hand (hand holding of the same sex is a sign of closeness in Vietnam) and we walked down the street talking and giggling, about boys of course! I realized two things. 1. that I am perfectly comfortable being here and doing this sort of work...love it even! 2. that I am comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. I'm surprised at the second one. Being in a country where everyone is stick thin I figured my self esteem would plummet, but I've learned to hold my head high!

That's another huge lesson I've had to learn here: how to make my faith my own. In the US during Easter there are people around to wish you a Happy Easter. Here there isn't anyone to remind me about it! There are no devos, no chapel, barely any other Christians! There are sometimes days that seem like one big prayer that God would give me the right words to say, put me in the right place, grant me peace and clarity, keep me safe, even just to make the heat go away! I really like who I've grown to be in just these short 3 months and I literally cannot sit still when I think of the endless opportunities that God has laid out for me in the future :-)

It's been quite a while since I've updated so I won't go into too much detail about what's been going on lately!

Since Carl left, I've had to switch from teaching 4 of my classes to teaching 4 of his. After a little while though I will be switching back to teaching my classes that I started with. It's made making relationships a little harder, but now that I've taught all of K52 (8 sections) I am hoping to plan some group events for all of us, including a line-dancing class!

Aimee, my supervisor's wife, and I took a trip to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, for a shopping/girls weekend. It was so great! Just like being back in the US with 7-11's and Starbucks everywhere! It was nice to spend some time away from Vietnam to make me realize how much I miss it and love it here!

The view from Merdeka Square.

A week after getting back from KL, James and I flew off to Taiwan for an 8 day retreat with other SE Asia volunteers. It was such a blessing to be able to spend time with other volunteers! We were able to share our stories and what we do in our specific countries (Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam, Taiwan) in our ministry. I am simply amazed at the work that the Lord does to ensure we are all where we are supposed to be, serving and loving Him and the people He has placed around us.

Me, standing on the Tropic of Cancer!

Coming back to Vietnam made me appreciate so much more the support system that I do have here. However it has made me very aware that perhaps I cannot work to the best of my ability because I don't have a "team" in the sense of what I was used to at CUAA or what they have in Taiwan. These next few weeks/months are going to be filled with prayer and waiting to see what God has in store for myself and for Team Vietnam.

If you know anyone who could possibly be interested in spending a year, or even just a semester in Vietnam teaching English, PLEASE give them my contact information: amanda.runey@keptprivate.com

So Many Fish in the Sea

Sometimes people at Bible study take the conversation places that either don't interest me or that I have nothing to comment on, so this past week I got bored and wrote in my book:

Bad things happen! The devil will try as hard as possible to get into your head, play on your biggest fears and reveal your deepest, darkest secrets. It's easy to sit back and let self pity, fear, and lonliness grow and take over your life. Sometimes he succeeds in creating such a thick cloud in your life that you believe God is no longer there. It takes a person with strong faith to recognize the devil's schemes and be able to fight him off. This is an opportunity to realize how God is using that experience to strengthen you! Personally, the sheer job of being able to recognize the devil's attack has given me great hope for the plans God has for my life! It's almost a compliment to know that God is working SO hard in my life that devil is trying (yet failing) so hard to fight the Lord's work.

An experience I had in Cancun reflects my reaction to the devil's work. My family and I went snorkeling at an island off the coast of Cancun. All the sudden, hundreds of small, white and yellow fish began to get extremely close to all the snorkelers. I paniced and pulled my head out of the water, repeating, "I don't like it! I don't like it!" My mom heard my cry for help, grabbed my hand, and pulled me away from the area where all the fish were. Apparently the leader had thrown food into the water to attract the fish.

In retrospect, I can see this as an example of the devil's work. He is like the fish, surrounding a person, making them feel trapped and afraid. God is like my mom, knowing my cry for help amongst confusing, taking my hand, and pulling me from any danger. I know it's a bit of a stretch, but a good illustration! It's those moments when I'm pulled to safety by the love of God that I become closer to Him, and stronger for the journey! I am constantly reminded of my Ebenezer (1 Samuel 7:12), my symbol that "Thus far the Lord has helped me". It reminds me that God has gotten me this far, therefore I have no reason to believe that He won't pull me through the trials to come!

Thus Far

I feel like the email that I just wrote to my friend aka supervisor aka boss, JP, pretty much sums up what I have learned and experienced so far in Vietnam.

Honestly, I still haven't been able to fully wrap my head around Vietnam. But just being here and experiencing what I have already experienced fills me with this unexplainable butterfly type feeling in my stomach that I know is the Holy Spirit doing His work. It's actually the same feeling I got when my pastor was praying for me during my last commissioning service. I wanted to burst out laughing but I couldn't up on the altar! But I can here! And I do! In class :-) It was like I was saying last night at Bible study, I just can't imagine not having the people I love be in heaven with me, and everyday I am in Vietnam I find myself loving more and more people and seeing the love that Team Vietnam has for others!

Another Goodbye

On Friday, Carl suddenly had to fly back to the US to get medical help. They weren't able to determine what was wrong with him and thought it could be very serious. So he only got a day to say goodbye. I helped him pack on Thursday and we all had a farewell dinner. Even though we had only spent about a month together, I hadn't realized how attached I had gotten. I guess living with someone will do that to you! It was heartbreaking to see him have to say goodbye to some of the good friends he's made here, and even more sad to say goodbye to him at the airport.

Not only was I losing a friend and teacher, but now I'm all alone in the house with the family. I don't speak enough Vietnamese to really communicate with them, and same with them and English. It's hard to look across the hall and realize that Carl isn't going to be there anymore. It was a whole lot easier to cope with the oddities of the family when I had someone to share my grief, but we'll see what happens now.

I knew I was going to make some lifelong friends here in Hanoi, but I honestly expected them to be members of the team, not just my students and fellow faculty. Granted, my students are absolutely amazing and I would rather be spending time with them than anywhere else.

Speaking of expectations: I've given up on even trying to remember what they were at this point. Of course everyone told me to prepare to be flexible before I came, but I haven't realized what they really meant until just lately. Nothing ever goes the way that I think it will! Not to say that it's always a bad thing. However the devil is trying so damn hard to break me while I'm here! Death and loneliness: two extremely hard things to deal with. Now go across the world and deal with them...it's daunting and exhausting! Through every hardship the Lord has worked even harder than the devil and made it into a learning and growing experience for me, as well as bringing something into my life to help ease the pain and occupy my time.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Happy Times!

About a week after I arrived in Vietnam, a girl who teaches English in Korea arrived to go teach in Phu Tho during her month-long holiday. Long story short, her passport got messed up and she ended up staying in Hanoi to teach at the National Institiute of Nutrition. She also ended up becoming a very close friend of mine. God caused our paths to cross at just the right time! It felt good to finally have some "girl talk" after being deprived for so long post-Concordia dorm life. Cana and I were able to have 3 wonderful trips together: Phu Tho, Sa Pa, and Ha Long Bay. Saying goodbye to her last night was hard! I haven't really been able to "click" with anyone else here except a little with another volunteer, but who works 3 hours away from here :-/



Thankfully my schedule is starting to fill up finally! I am going to be tutoring the 9 year old nephew of one of the ladies from the NIN on Monday and Thursday nights. I am also going to be teaching classes at the NIN all day on Fridays. These new additions, plus my teaching and office hours equals about 38 hours of volunteering a week! Add in church on Sundays, team dinners and Bible study and my life is pretty packed these days! But that's how I stay out of trouble...and I thrive on the pressure. Now I just need to start going to bed before 12:30am!

Heaven

This is a poem that I wrote back in high school. Not to brag, but looking back at it after so many years makes me think I may have had some talent! Hope you like it!

Feigned angels in heaven
Laugh as it starts
Tugging at the soul to be let go
Those feelings that latched on
So quick and so seemingly firm
Heaven existed a time ago
While life was invincible,
Love went untouched
Mystery hung about the air
Tempting the feelings held there
Unconcerned with consequences.
A surrender to curiousity
Creates a brief fasade of heaven
Yet conseals the anguish beneath
Perhaps the mystery was better kept
Destined to be revealed in time.
Time.
Timing is undoubtedly elusive
Cheating youths of heaven.

BBB: Blessed Beyond Belief!

This past weekend was my 22nd birthday which was I privilaged to spend in Sapa, Vietnam with my friends Cana and James, fellow volunteers here in Vietnam. Walking through the untouched, undeveloped, and unbelievable mountains was so humbling! A birthday alone is enough to cause you to praise the hands of the Creator who made you, but our destination left me in sheer awe of the Creator's work!

Before coming to Vietnam, it was almost as if this side of the world didn't exist! It was so hard to imagine life living outside of the United States. But I'm here and standing on solid ground and it's real! Feels a little too real at times, especially when I think of how far from home I am. Thankfully the Lord has provided an amazing support system for me here! Everyone knows exactly what I am going through and is more than willing to help and lend advice.

Everything has become so clear to me since getting to Vietnam. What is really important? I don't really need a seperate area in my bathroom for the shower, or a thick mattress, or a quiet road, or consistant internet, or even a cool breeze! I'm surviving just fine, and even getting used to it! I know that I could have done none of this on my own. Every step I take here I feel as though I am hanging onto God's hand for dear life, especially when I get on the back of a motorbike!

Standing on top of a mountain looking at God's beautiful creation just made life seem so simple. My goal for my next few months here is to try to keep things simple, and in Vietnam that seems easier! A simple life, grounded in the Lord: sounds like the peace I've been looking for!

Here, I Am Going, Lord!

AHH! I leave in a week! I can't even begin to describe the rollercoaster of emotions that I have been going through lately. Ultimately though, no matter what I'm feeling, I'm still getting on that plane on Sunday night! My personal life has been a little hectic, but I'm really looking forward to getting away from it all and changing things up a bit. I have had every single person tell me that this is such a great opportunity and it's going to change my whole perspective on life. I am really excited about that change and even more excited about moving to St. Louis and starting my new life out on my own when I get home.

Talking to J.P. the other night online really helped calm a lot of fears. I also got to look at some of Carl's photos of the city and classroom. It's a lot more...gray...than I thought it was going to be. I'm actually getting excited about trying out the traffic and the food. Still my only worry is about the plane ride. Didn't help that a plane landed in the Hudson River this weekend!! I am just learning to trust that God has the whole world in His hands, especially my little plane :-) It's been a real comfort to read a few Psalms before I go to bed. It's so hard being away from Concordia and the constant spiritual nurishment that I had there. On the other hand, reading the Bible and worshiping at church seems so much more refreshing when it's not around me 24/7. This Sunday I leave the country for 4 1/2 months and the time of my life!!