Real Thoughts

I've been delaying writing real thoughts on here because...well basically because I find my thoughts hard to organize these days. I hardly ever feel myself in the moment. I'm either thinking about how crazy/weird/ironic/"planned out" my past was to lead me to the place I am...or I'm thinking another step ahead about where I'll be in the future. It's probably not a good thing and might be part of the reason I went through some aweful culture shock the first few weeks here.

It hasn't even been a solid month yet and I already feel like it's been a lifetime! In contrast to last time, there isn't much point in saying, "Oh, I'll be leaving in ____ days/months", because that number is still huge! I've spent the past 4 weeks organizing and planning out how to keep myself completely exhausted for the next few months. All in all my only free time exists on Monday and Wednesday afternoons, Friday mornings, all Saturday, and Sunday evening. That seems like a lot, but it's really not, especially when the heat and lack of sleep due to obnoxious children and dogs feels like it sucks half the day away from me before I even started. Let me just say that if I were the mother of the children that live on my alley, I would have smacked them into next week...so many times that they would be like a year older then they really are. Seriously!

I enjoy my limited amount of free time though. Living in this house all alone is, well, lonely. I try not to spend too much time here, and when I do it's normally downloading episodes of TV shows back home that keep me sane: Grey's Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters, Project Runway, America's Next Top Model, Greek, Drop Dead Diva, and Glee.

Speaking of nerdy things I do, I feel like there is a list coming on, because I love lists. And there are that many things.

1. I'm afraid to put the toilet top down because I'm afraid that a bug might pop out at me the next time I open it. This is a completely irrational fear because I've never had this happen to me, nor have I heard it happening to anyone else.

2. I'm a little scared of my kitchen. It's kinda half under the stairs, and again I'm afraid of bugs popping out. However, THAT was is rational because I find dead roaches in the kitchen almost every morning.

3. On the topic of bugs, I feel like Raid is my new perfume. It'll catch on.

4. I have a jar of peanut butter and a jar of strawberry jam (the real kind, I totally splurged a whole $3 on it) in my fridge, but no bread, so I eat them alone, and seperately.

5. I've been living here for 4 weeks now and JUST discovered that to avoid taking cold showers every day I should have turned OFF the cold water on full blast. Who woulda thunk??

6. I have conversations in my head of what to say to people who speak only Vietnamese. Instead of taking a minute or two and calling someone to translate for me. So "Xin Chao" will have to do.

7. I always say temperature in Fahrenheit, even though I know full well everyone uses Celcius here.

8. I habitually place my order for street food and then check my cell phone for text messages to avoid the stares. Sometimes I even write fake texts to keep myself occupied.

9. I mentally thank Old Navy everyday because I currently have 6 pairs (all different colors to coordinate with outfits) by the door and they are all I wear.

10. I check my email at LEAST 20 times a day, always hoping there will be something, then getting angry if it's Facebook or spam.

11. I daydream about what is waiting for me at home. Then I freak out about what's not waiting for me at home. Then I tell myself not to think about it again. Then I do it again.